


Try Again

by kaipou



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 21:43:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaipou/pseuds/kaipou
Summary: I realized my heart died the last day I hugged you.





	Try Again

The desperate cries, my endless tries and the worthless tears I shed, were all for nothing. I knew it all so well, but I pretended that it did not occur to myself yet. My hands that sweated profusely, my lips that dried, as I looked at that face of yours again. Your face that never looked at me. My heartbeat increased, catching its legs again, when you looked at me for that split second. It was as if everything was going to be alright. But then you looked away as if I never existed at your span of vision, my heartbeat that slowly died at your unresponsiveness.

 

It was never alright, I only had fun imagining it was. I pretended to try, to love, but failing to do so.

 

That night, your hands on the waist on another girl, lips on her red stained ones. The girl who barely wore clothes to cover herself, your hands touching every place of the exposed cold skin. Your hands that barely dared to touch mine. My eyes were not on the woman but your face, that only spelled pure lust. The distant memory that came before my eyes, your innocent love stricken face as you knelt down before me and asked to be yours. Where are those days? Why those days seem so far away? Why were you so far away?

 

Our relationship that only existed on a thin red thread, that would break anything but I promised myself to never let it happen. I would knot it again hundred times if I had to. I wanted it survive, I wanted myself to survive. Your eyes that soon left of that woman to mine hurt ones. Your brown orbs that were apologetic, that emotion I wanted to see so much.

 

My eyes that cried, my tears that I controlled soon flowed, expressing how alone I was. My walls soon break as I looked at that face of yours that showed that hint of lost memories. Maybe you didn’t forget me. Maybe I was the one that forgot you. My legs that soon took the hold of me, as I was suddenly outside breathing the cold air of the winter night. The toxic air, the smell of alcohols, the feelings of betrayal left my system as I caught my breath at last.

 

I looked back at the doors, an expectant feeling inside, would he ever come through the doors? The shoulders dejected, I looked away from the expectant future that was ever going to occur. To my surprise, the doors thud open and as I looked it was him. He stared at me for a good enough of time and started to walk away.

 

I quite didn’t get his expression as he only stared with nothingness, yet I yearned his stares, his looks and long forgotten words. I quietly followed his lone figure that strutted along the stony streets, that swayed a little due to the alcohol slowly engulfing him in. During those walks, I thought, if I would be able to say those words I always wanted to say. If I would let him slip away from my grasp like this. Slowly yet painfully.

 

I stood still. Hearing the absence of footsteps, he stopped too.

 

I trudged further towards his back and snaked my arms around his sturdy waist. Resting my head against his back, I felt his slow and steady breathing. I realized I forgot how he felt against my touch, his warmth that contradicted my cool. I could hear his sigh, his sigh that seemed so tiring. Was I so tiresome to deal with? Was our story, our past that much of nuisance? Sorry, but I didn’t know better.

 

“Hana.” His voice that I despised yet loved so much. His voice that I didn’t want to hear because I always knew what he had to say. Those words, that were at the tip of my tongue but never slipped. I wanted to try again even he wasn’t there.

 

“I believe it is the end.” He didn’t remove my tightened hands around his waist. I wanted to believe he loved me still. It was always like I believed. Might be because he wanted to feel how we felt during the earlier days. Days that seemed to fade away with the warm air of the summers that passed.

 

“We can always try again.” I muttered as I let go of the last bit of my sanity. _You loved me, right? I wish you did._

 

That night, as I looked through my contacts, I tapped on the name that seemed so unfamiliar.

“Jongin.”

 

Without further hesitation, I deleted that name. From my contacts, from my life.

 

I always wanted to try again because I believed my answer was always him.

 

As I looked back to the stuffy home that once was ours, the bed that felt was so cold then. My eyes dated to the wooden table, where I wrote down a little note. The note that I hoped would haunt him forever. It wasn’t a revenge, it was a reminder.

 

My pen that roughly scribbled the words I wanted to say.

 

_“Try Again.”_


End file.
